You Say Tomato I Say Tomatoe….Forget What It’s Called! Just Don’t Drink the D**** Bottle!!!

So as I do this blog with Smoothie King in hand (Mango flavored …if you’re curious) I’m challenged with the ever unusual but possibly profound thought.

As I perused Facebook in my efforts to thwart the load of task that await me I see this….

(CENSORED) “is wondering… if tomatoes are a fruit, isn’t ketchup technically a smooothie??? LMAO!”

this seems profound in thought………..yet very hypertensive……..oddly I had an urge for a bloody mary at the time……….don’t judge.

I spent many a days as child pondering what family this edible creation belonged to. Was it a vegetable as we often assumed? or was a ….dare I ponder it…..a FRUIT!? (insert dramatic music here)

I mean it always made its way to many vegetable oriented sites….usually hand in hand with lettuce……….but to consider it a citrus affiliate? did that mean that a fruit had snuck its way onto our burgers…tacos….QUESO!?….I mean is it too a mischievous fruit like the pineapple who assaulted our pizzas and then used affirmative action to solidify its existence by race calling the pizza Hawaiian.

Though it tis true it is still oddly hard to fathom due to childhood because for many years most of us thought it to be vegetable………Had VEGGIE TALES lied to us all these years!?!?……were the really FRUITY TALES……..hmmmm (adjust tie) but anyway …back to the point.

Of course I’m sure someone is thinking NAAA what about V8 juices………….I won’t get into the politics…..plus I don’t like when my vegetables have numbers in them…but remember it says JUICES…..this feels contradictory to me now. >_< but law so has it that we tend to call it veggies at time….but is this just a massive government conspiracy……….who knows….maybe the government will shut my site down for the exposure of such precious information…so I’ll digress from this…

but is ketchup technically a smoothie? possibly …sprinkle some protein powder maybe……..freeze it….add some ice and sugar…………..naaaa that just be nasty…..but give it to Mikey he’ll eat anything. (Yes I just did that….if you get the joke there.)

This blog was brought to you by….Let-Go………like that last drop of ketchup in the bottle….sometimes you just got to Let it go….

J.A.G.

Stay tuned....for Intern has had a new venture.

Trey Songz - Love Faces

Trey Songz - Love Faces: "Passion, Pain, & Pleasure"

ATTACK OF THE CREEPER 2: THE CREEPER STRIKES AGAIN!

In our last adventure titled ATTACK OF THE CREEPER, you may recall the hilarious but hair raising goosebump and tingling tale of our awesome intern and her bout with THE CREEPER who made an eager attempt at the end of the day to get a hug from her after engaging in an random but A&B conversation between me and her.

Welp folks………the adventures of intern has not ended there for THE CREEPER STRIKES AGAIN! …….of course for respect and privacy……..and to prevent future creepers who may read this from going after her…….I maintain anonymity of all people….even me haha…but this tale is shorter

So ….once upon time…..wait………forget that its not one of those………Sooo it is was a cool mid day Friday at the job of which seemed rather progressive. I had just came back from being in the field with my lunch in hand of choice beverage Hi-c (don’t judge) and the intern was steady working hard and making hard work for herself by choice might I add. I had forgotten that a routine firedrill was scheduled for today but as the alarm chirped and non-epileptic friendly lights flashed…I proceeded, while sipping my Hi-C, to follow the routine protocol of meeting in the hall exit stairwell until further notice.

As i proceeded I came across intern in the hall. She told me how she was “just then Hungry”, this of course after me badgering her early to get some food. We proceeded to crack a few jokes….me still encouraging her OCD plight of working still to get food. In the mist of our banter the fire drill is called to an end for what seemed like the fastest drill we ever had.

We began walking back into the office, I still drinking my Hi-C (don’t hate) when all of a sudden I see in my peripherals a hand comes across and place itself on the shoulder of intern. Paying little mind to origins of the hand, I proceeded to drink my drink but soon I’m body checked into the wall on my right and arm wraps itself around my left arm. I’m a little disoriented in the moment from being blind sided but as I look to my left I see a face in sheer terror and confusion with a dash of laughter. Startled I realized that it is the INTERN and her look confuses me but soon my mind clicks as it traces the origins of the hand to………you got it….. THE CREEPER! this time he had taken a new tactic….he snuck up from behind and pulled a arm around the shoulders….his idea of being friendly “I guess”…………..Intern was terrified but NOT having it and with ungodly adrenaline based strenght had body checked (Full hockey) into me…….and if your wondering about my HI-C….all drops were retained…..anyway..

She proceeds to wrap her arm through mine and we look to shades from a high school prom date as I realize I’m being used as cover with her arm entangled in mine…….I proceed to sip my drink while chuckling under my breath. She was a little miffed by that but fear of creeper overrides that. We start to walk faster side by side. She doesn’t want him to know her new desk whereabouts of which she had moved to since the last incident. Soon she creates the idea of having me take the lead to a distant coworkers desk as a decoy as the creeper was walking behind us.

Assessing the situation I realized that he was directly behind her in arms reach so any further attempts at violating personal bubbles was immenent….so I instead of taking the lead in her plan…wedged myself in between and put her in the lead telling her “I don’t know where to go, so I’ll follow you”…..I knew she wasn’t to happy with me breaking her plan ….but hey…..we can improvise at least right?….its better than him going for round 2,3,4, etc. :P

We reach the decoy desk and from there begin to laugh yet sort the adventure out in our heads. Our supervisor finds this amusing and completely understands our interns plight…..and as i reflect the lessons learned in this adventure are as followed.

1. Quick thinking goes a long way 2. HI-C is still good 3. Creepers are like ninjas….just more violating……4. Some women should really consider taking up hockey…..many have ungodly strength in hightened senses of emotions….ow my shoulder…and I’d hate to see the wall lol

as always never a dull moment and I’m

J.A.G.

Monday?....or Mundane?

It’s hard to tell when they seem rather synonymous at times. Often I’m reminded of the Garfield comic strip of which Garfield the Cat would wake up every morning dreading Monday…practically hiding and burying himself in his bed and for some odd reason entailed a random pie hitting him in the face just because it was Monday..…..On some Mondays even a pie in the face might be a little more exciting then the normal mundane routine.

Monday is like that awkward rollercoaster where once it starts (we’ll call that Tuesday) your excited too because you have to look forward to the weekend (THE PINNACLE OF THE RIDE). You go through loops, twist, dives, occasionally still that random person screaming in your ear until you hit that climactic point (TOP OF THE HILL) in the ride aka the WEEKEND! (workaholics excluded). From the hill you start coming down the ride to a stop (Sunday)….Your all excited and wanting to do it all again……well Monday is like that part where now it’s the end of the ride and your just sitting there waiting to be let out so you can go to the next ride…….but the ride operator is taking all damn day to get to you……you get bored….you get tired…..and then agitated…then eventually you just want to cuss someone out …..

With that in mind, it helps to either have a good set of people on that ride with you to entertain your thoughts….or find some way to make the day interesting yourself…….you know Monday’s don’t get interesting on their own………..you know what …just cuz its Monday I feel like throwing pies at my bosses……. I think they’d enjoy it…….maybe? I would….

Todays Blog is brought to you again by “Let-Go”…..puuulll back,….hooold…steady…..aiiiim….and LET GO!”

J.A.G.

At the request of a friend, I’m going to visit the topic of the make up of the Asshole for reason

I’ll leave alone. So I figure why not. Everyman is not an asshole but all have asshole tendencies brought out by particular events….whether genetic…I couldn’t tell you :P . Usually when those opportunities present themselves…..some will embrace it long term (complete)….and some will use it only in the moment….and then there is some that take the more passive approach.

Usually in relationships, the encountering of an asshole comes to view in the mist of arguments. Aggressive words are exchanged and 7 out of 10 times your mostly going to attack each others character at some point. For a guy, often in his head, like any other he becomes defensive. In this instant he may choose to retaliate often. THIS is usually the asshole tendency initiator…his character is threatened and like all playground politics…the thought that hits his mind most often is “YOU HIT ME, I’M GOING TO HIT YOU BACK”….so in some cases he may without ration or even thought not think his statements out because his whole mission at that point is to get revenge :l ….messed up I know but its what some of us do. In SOME cases between men and women we have a lost in translation….you see there is this misconception that in an argument BOTH participant are supposed to be evenly emotionally invested in the THE argument…..nope when you hit his character again SOME men will withdraw from it all…..a kind of F*** it and F*** you attitude….. “I don’t need this” ….sooo your left arguing with yourself there…….I’ve seen too many women get pissed here but even I come to terms here……I’m not going to sit here and start world war with you…..but in my case its because I know there is a better answer to the matter at hand……..

just don’t push to hard here. When he is in that mode he is not in complete asshole mode but if you push too much you WILL cause him to go all out….sometimes its better to step back and regroup in our case…..although some of us would rather just act like the altercation never happened….THIS is a problem in problem avoidance though…..but for the sake of metaphor picture a muffin. The interior is his ego and/or character…the substance……the outside is tough or solid from its exposure to the everyday heat (baked lol)……when you pass that exterior you find that some of us are consistent throughout…..and some of us put up a front in defense and really have an undercooked interior…so they really have no clarity to themselves……what the heck!?!? I’m hungry now!?

This blog is probably part I among many issues dealing with the theory of the a**hole………and is brought to you by “Let-go” :P……..no really try it lol

J.A.G.

Revamped Emo Vampires! I want to suck your blood....but it hurts inside!

Somewhere must be a really pissed off Dracula. He must be wondering what the hell happened over the past decade to lead to such emotionally charged monsters. I believe some would blame Buffy the vampire slayer and her Dawson's Creek like affair with the vampire known as Angel…….but at least angel too had a side that was slightly less emo but masculine to it. Dare I say it….Angel actually kicked @%$# and though he was nice guy…..there was a slight hint of “don’t #^$@ with me!” to him..

Last time I checked vampires were a thing to be remotely feared. At Halloween men and boys would dress up as Dracula for various reasons because Dracula was a suave but tough guy. ……Okay usually boys dressed up because he was the king of monsters….and men…..well they just liked the concept of nibbling on a girls neck I’m sure……now days not so much…..but with today's current trend I feel that if I encountered a real vampire…..If I told it that it was ugly or had bad breath , it might run off and cry……..maybe even kill itself……now I don’t know about you but I think that might make the world a safer place but still……..its slightly …..depressing…just a little...

Then again it does make sense why vampire costumes are so few seen these days….given the current twilight trend…..I don’t think I would dress up as a vampire if it meant I “glittered” in the sunlight…although I’m sure that comes handy for vampires who like to do some jogging…you’re you own reflector belt…..

Now I’m not HATING on twilight and the series of knock offs that followed (although I know a certain person is probably going to give me an earful on this tommorrow…sorry :P or am I?) but I do have grievances with that series for other reasons….but I’m just saying I want my bad ass vampires back…in todays world of survival of the fittest…..where is Blade when you need him….oh wait…tax evasion…okay George Clooney you’re our next hope for restoration.

Tie up your loose ends if you haven't....

In 2010 I suggested to tie up your loose ends as I myself did. I love it and its less stressful. So in this year of 2011 I find myself focus and a bit happier. For those who still haven't tied up theirs I suggest you do it.... Forget who should go first, forget egos, finish up old projects, repair good friendships and whatever and forget the cost unless life threatening and TRUE integrity......you'll be glad you did.

J.A.G.